- I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
- Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
- Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once!
- Do you know what I did before I married? ... Anything I wanted to.
- My wife and I were happy for more than twenty years. Then... we met.
- A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong.
- Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
- First Guy (proudly): "My wife is an angel!"
Second Guy: "You are lucky, mine is still alive."
- First there is the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring... soon after comes "suffe-ring"!